I am naturally a very trusting person. Some would call it a weakness…Others might dub it as gullible…but I assume that the person I am talking to has no reason to lie to me or to embellish the truth. This tendency has made me waste a lot of time on ventures and situations I, otherwise, would not have…if I were, say, a more skeptical person.
I had a guy say he wanted to be an encouragement to me and a right-hand friend. He left a year later. I had another guy said he would follow me through fire. When things got toasty, he flew. I had numerous online gurus promise to make me a millionaire. I bought their wares…and was disappointed. Does any of this sound familiar?
What I have found in my life, though, is that what people say is proven over time.
DEFINITION: Character is the ability to be who you say you are regardless of the cost.
Put another way. Talk is cheap. Anyone can say they want to be a friend. Anyone can say they are trustworthy. Anyone can say they have your back.
BUT it is the person who remains true to what they said. And, unfortunately, this can only be tested with time. True friendship and true character is hard to come by.
We live in an age where people lack the discipline to actually do what they say they’re going to do. Because we are a society that lives for the moment and ghosts people because they don’t know what true friendship is, we never get to have our character refined. We never get to have our character tested.
So here are some questions you can ask yourself…better…ask someone who will be honest with you and knows you well:
- Do I swear to my own hurt?
- Do I talk more than I listen?
- When I say I’m going to do something, do you feel like you have to circle back to remind me?
- Am I the kind of person who is willing to sacrifice to ensure my name is not slandered?
- Do I make too many promises?
- Do I speak in hyperbole a lot?
- Do I have long-standing friendships of more than 5 years?
- When was the last time stayed in a job that I hated for the benefit of another?
- If people were to use three adjectives to describe me, is “trustworthy” (or something like it) one of those words?
- How have I let you down?
One of the areas I teach in My New Rich Life is how to align your words and your actions. I cover the need to be a certain kind of person, you have to evaluate your actions right now.
Too many people assume they’re people of character without actually doing the hard work of looking at themselves in the mirror and considering, like Taylor Swift, “I’m the problem, it’s me.” At least they can’t say it without a sarcastic remark or a smirk. BUT maybe, just maybe, you are the problem. You won’t get to a place of actual character unless you’re willing to look at the man in the mirror (homage to Michael Jackson!).
You see…I’m willing to have the weakness of taking people at their word…because I want to be that kind of person. REGARDLESS of what the other person does. Will I get hurt? Yes…and I have numerous times. BUT I will continue to be the kind of person I want others to be. I will continue to let my character be refined through fire and sharpened through life’s blows.
If you would like more info on how to take those steps of character building, you can download my free workbook here. I’d love to have you do some soul-searching work to grow.